Snarks and Ladders

My mother called today.  Which always leads to disaster.  At least it wasn’t a long call… pretty much all of it is written out below.  I changed the names* (even though the two people involved have the most generic names known to mankind).  I should probably explain the people involved:

Mother:  My mother, don’t get me wrong, is a wonderful woman.  She just happens to have a total lack of faith in me.  She generally considers me to be foolish, impetuous, naive, and selfish.  She’s not afraid of letting me think so, either.  She also seems to believe that I haven’t grown up a bit since I was about 17.

Pete*: Pete is a friend of mine that I met while I was dating one of his best friends.  He’s an amusing, intelligent and fun guy to talk to, but he also has an ego the size of a house.  Something to do with having a wee bit of skill with a squash racquet or something…  I’ve never known him to have a positive opinion of any male involved with his female friends.  Hated all my boyfriends.  Hated all my best friend’s boyfriends.  Just seems to hate most men in general that I know.

Paul*:  Paul is one of my ex-boyfriends (the one mentioned above).  He’s actually a really nice guy (although he has a hellish temper… not that I remember him losing his temper with me very often.  I think I yelled at him more).  I broke it off with him because… well… I don’t really know.  Guess some part of me was creeped out by the whole ‘staying with my high school boyfriend forever’ thing.

So.  Mum is in green.  Thoughts are in italics.  I’m in black.

“So, Pete was in with his girlfriend today, she seemed nice”

“Great Mum.  Nice to hear.”

“He said that Paul’s girlfriend is too good for him.  She’s far too nice for him”

Uh… OK?  So you want me to agree with the criticisms he has of the lovely guy I dated for about 4 years all in all?  Or disagree, and then have you start nattering on about whether I should have dumped him or not?  My lord, he’s talking about his best friend here, not like some random guy I dated or anything.  I haven’t even met the girlfriend, I’m completely out of my depth here.
“Oh Mum, you know Pete can be a bit of an asshole.”

“Well, he told me that guy you were with overseas was a bit of a deadshit”

Oh boy, here we go. Who knows what he based this opinion on this time… and really, why the hell is she listening to him?  This is the guy who criticises his best friend!
“No Mum, he was very nice, there was nothing wrong with him.”

“Oh well, you know, we all know how prone you are to going off the rails and everything, and you don’t have the best judgement…”

What, because I snuck out of the house a few times as a teenager?  Because I dated a couple of guys you didn’t like?  I never took drugs, I always had a job, I finished uni, I got a job straight out of uni, what the hell didn’t I do that you wanted?  “Look, Mum, you know Pete hates every male.  No one is ever good enough for anyone, and no one is as good as him.  For goodness sake’s, you told me what he just said about his best friend!”

“OK, well, I can hear you are on the computer and must be far too busy to talk to me.  Bye”

I really do not get the point of these phone calls.  It’s like she can tell when I’m in a decent mood and just decides that she wants to wreck it.  Gee thanks, Mum.  Love you too.

At the moment, I am back at Mum and Dad’s.  Now, this may just be me, or it could be the rest of the world, but being back at home with the parents is FRICKING PAINFUL when you are used to having your own space.  It takes them, oh, maybe 2 days to get back into ‘While I know you’re actually an adult, I am not going to treat you like one’ mode, and start nagging you.

“Oh, when you book your holiday, make sure you go on an organised tour, because you are not travelling in Canada on your own!”

“You haven’t gone into debt over this, have you?”

“Make sure you feed the animals, clean your car, and this that and the other”

“Put on a bloody jumper before you catch cold!”

“Have you eaten today?”

AAAAAARGH!

Then, there’s the fun of getting the animals used to one another.  Cats are god damn sadistic evil animals who know when there is a lame one around.  The new cat is half blind, totally deaf.. and the other two take advantage of this by sneaking up behind her, beating the shit out of her, and then spitting in her face.  It’s like one of those kung fu movies… if the ninjas decided it would be more fun to beat up grandpa in a wheelchair.  Actually… didn’t that happen in one of those 3 Ninjas movies?

Of course, I made this all better the best way I know how: I went shopping.  Got myself a couple of dresses (since I am most definitely going through a ‘Yes I am a fucking girl, just because I don’t act like it and swear like a trooper and watch football and car racing *Rage!*’ phase).  And a shit load of stuff more my house, although I still want more.  Yeah, yeah, so I like decorating, but hate cleaning.  And…

I booked this year’s BIG trip.  Japan, Canada, and the US, here I come!  More on that… next time.  Perhaps.  Until then, hey, let me know what mischief a girl can get herself into on the west coast of Canada and the US.