Snarks and Ladders

One of the biggest issues that the boy and I just can’t seem to get around is our amazingly different interests when it comes to travel.  We can not ever agree on destinations, and it appears we are doomed to a life of separate travel (which is a real shame, because travel is something I really wanted to share with him).

For instance, we were discussing destinations today.  I would love to go to India, and I am planning a Thailand/Laos/Cambodia/Vietnam trip next year.  On the other hand, the boy wants to go to South America, particularly Brazil.  Brazil is probably one of the last places in the world that I would like to go to (I spend a lot of my time reading about the AIDS problem in Brazil, and the high crime rate, particular rape and other violent crimes against women).  Admittedly, I am used to looking at travel through the lens of “Single young female from a Western country travelling alone – where is it safe for me to go?” and I tend to be pretty conservative in my choices.

After a lot of consideration, I decided I could compromise and go on a holiday to Brazil with the boy, although I would stipulate that at least half of our trip would have to be on an organised tour.  The issue I have with this is the amount of money I would have to spend, travelling to a destination I had absolutely no interest in.  Is it really fair for me to have to spend over $5000 for a 2 week trip to Brazil, when that could get me to almost anywhere else I actually want to go? Is it fair for me to expect him to do the same for me?

It feels like I am in an absolute no-win situation.  There are so few destinations we both want to go to, and they are pretty far down the list of places he wants to see.  While I want suggestions, I guess they are going to be one of the three only available options, and none of those sound particularly fantastic.  Either one of us settles for something we don’t want, we both go somewhere that we can agree on, but aren’t especially enthused about, or we can just travel separately.  At any rate, it doesn’t stop me from feeling frustrated that he doesn’t understand my feelings, and I’m sure he feels just the same about me being a stubborn pain in the patoot!

After reading Kate Harding’s post today on the, um… interesting experiences that await us when we travel by air, I thought that I might relate some of my experiences as a valued passenger of several different airlines.  Admittedly, most of my negative experiences have been at airports, and so were not the fault of a particular airline.  I do wish I had some positive experiences to discuss, but, well… let’s just say airports and planes are not my favourite places.

My first time travelling overseas by plane was also my first time I ever travelled alone.  I was flying from Sydney to Los Angeles to attend Blizzcon, and while I was excited about the trip, I was also amazingly nervous.  Ten days in a country I had never been in before, talking to people I hadn’t actually physically met, about (of all things) video games and blogging.  So, I was an amusing combination of bouncy, nervous, and outright sleepy when I got to Sydney Airport.

Well, I checked my luggage, wandered around like an idiot trying to figure out just where I was supposed to go (having just flown in from tiny Dubbo Airport with its two gates), and finally found the security gate.  The people there were fairly gruff and humourless, as I suppose most customs agents (or whoever the heck they were) are, but I chucked my bag through the scanner, walked through the metal detector, and put my iPod back in and started to walk towards Customs and Immigration.  Suddenly, there was a tap on my shoulder.

“You need to step over here please,” said some rather imposing fellow in a Customs uniform.

Of course, I had no idea what was going on, so I just followed him.  Turned out I had been selected for a check to make sure I didn’t have a bomb strapped to me or something.  He was fairly good about it all, chatting away as he swabbed my hands, my shoes, and every compartment of my backpack for explosives.  The woman who had to pat me down was not so polite, ordering me rudely to lift arms and move legs and all sorts of things while she checked to make sure I wasn’t a homicidal maniac or something.

Of course, I didn’t have anything, so it didn’t really matter.  I still suspect I got chosen because I made the mistake of wearing a zip up hoodie and carrying a backpack.  Not that it was a menacing hoodie!

Look out, that jumper CLEARLY indicates
she is going to blow something up!

I don’t recall my landing in LAX being too painful, so I think US Customs must’ve given me an easy time.  That was nice of them.  Unlike my second trip…

Last Christmas holidays, I did a short backpacking trip to Japan, Canada and the United States.  I only had a month, so my stay in each country was very short.  The plan was to visit my sister in Japan for a little over a week, then to go to Canada for a couple of weeks, then to work my way down to the US.  When I travel, I don’t much like doing the whole ‘plans fixed in stone’ thing – I just work out what I want to do as I go. 

Well, Japanese Customs was absolutely cruisey both in and out.  I was probably chatting to the Immigration officer at Narita for 10 minutes maximum, and it was quite a pleasant conversation (except for when he started speaking to me in Japanese, because he thought I must be Japanese or at least speak it since my middle name, Naomi, is apparently a Japanese name.  That was confusing).

Canadian customs was a bit less fun, and overall I was quite unimpressed with what I saw.  While I was waiting in line to go through with my forms and my passport, I watched one Customs officer interrogate an older couple quite fiercely.  Neither of them had a very good grasp of English, and they were having difficulty understanding what they were being asked.  The Customs officer was getting more irate, which was causing the couple to panic.  I am sure that his concerns were well founded (he thought it was suspicious that they lived together, but purchased their tickets separately), but the manner in which he was interrogating them was totally inappropriate – not to mention a very poor way to welcome people to your country.

Well, when it was my turn, the official wasn’t much better.  He repeated the same questions over and over, and he just did not seem to grasp that what I was doing was perfectly normal.

What is the purpose of your stay in Canada?
Holiday

How long are you staying for?
Two weeks

Are you travelling alone?
Yes, I am

Why are you travelling alone?
Well, gee, what am I supposed to respond to this one… “I’m backpacking through Japan, Canada and the US.  I don’t have a family, so I am travelling alone”

Your passport says you’re Australian.  Why are you flying from Japan if you are Australian?
I was just visiting my sister in Japan.  I flew straight from there to here for the next part of my trip.

But you are Australian.  You should be flying in from Australia.
”I just finished a stay in Japan.  Now I am visiting here”
… Really, is it so hard to comprehend that I am visiting more than one country?

Do you live in Japan?
No, I live in Australia.  I was just visiting my sister in Japan.

Then why are you flying from Japan?
Because I was just there!  It didn’t make any sense to fly back to Australia, and then to Canada!

Why are you travelling alone?
……

Thankfully, at this moment he was interrupted by another officer who wanted to ask him a question.  He got caught up trying to solve this other person’s problem and waved me through.  What should have been a five minute process took over half an hour.

When I left Canada to fly to Las Vegas, things weren’t much better.  My handbag was slightly too large and they wanted me to check it (it was my only carry on luggage, and it was a tote sized handbag).  I of course argued that one until they let me take it on board.  Then I spent another half an hour getting grilled by a US Customs agent, because, can you believe it… my backpack was suspiciously heavy.  How odd that a backpacker, in winter, might have a 18 kilogram backpack (which was checked of course).  What could they be carrying in there?  Clearly not enough winter clothes for a month – that would make too much sense!

And fancy happening to be travelling to the US when you had just been there 5 months ago.  Who would want to come back so soon?  How very unusual!  The Customs process to get into the US?  90 minutes.  It was almost enough to actually deter me from ever wanting to go to the US again.

Seriously… did I look like I was a drug runner or something?  Why the heck did every single place have to take so long?  The confusing part was I always made sure I was polite, answered everything clearly… and still I’d be held up by Customs officers at every turn.  Perhaps I just caught them all on a bad day.  Or perhaps the world thinks Australians are a pack of crazy criminals (yes, yes, we were a penal colony, I know… along with many many other countries!)

The biggest issue?  This has got to be killing the tourism industry.  At the very least, it can’t be healthy for the airline industry.  If I had children, and had to get them through the ridiculous shoes off (even thongs/flip flops), everything checked, interrogation, possible full body scan process… I’d not bother travelling.  I’d only go as far as my car could take me.  There is no WAY I would want to face a 90 minute Customs process with kids.

Something has to give.  I don’t understand why running around scared of everyone is seen as a good thing.  Guess what?  We have proven to the terrorists that, why yes, we ARE terrified of you.  So scared that we are going to go to unreasonable measures to make sure that we feel safe!  And then, because we have been so overly-diligent in protecting ourselves… we still won’t feel safe.  Yep, you win.  We are scared.  Isn’t that what these bloody terrorists actually want?  The goal isn’t necessarily to kill hundreds of people.  It’s to make us all afraid that they could do it whenever they wanted.

And some Customs officers could do with some damned PR training.  Or at least a crash course in basic manners.

So, I was flying back from LA (via Fiji), and about half way home I suddenly developed this weird itch.  I looked, and there were a couple of lumps on my hand.  I scratched them absentmindedly… but didn’t think much of it.  I was tired, I was run down, and a little stressed – getting a couple of lumps wasn’t all that weird really in the circumstances.

When I stopped at Fiji, I noticed that I had a couple more.  Again, didn’t think much of it.  By then I had been awake for well over 24 hours, it was hot, sticky and uncomfortable, and for some idiotic reason they made us all line up and get screened AGAIN.  You know, just in case we stole a butter knife off the plane or something.

Anyway, by the time I landed in  Sydney, I had lumps all up my arms.  I figured I was probably allergic to something on the plane.  Sure, I was itchy as all hell, but it would pass since I was off the plane, right?

Well… it just kept spreading.  My face got lumps.  My shoulders and neck got lumps.  My stomach got lumps.  So… I went and got it checked out, and it appears that some bastard gave me the chicken pox while I was away.  God damn it.

I always thought that you could only get chicken pox once.  Well, no, turns out you can get it more than once.  Of course, usually you get it as shingles the second time around, but I guess my body forgot that I had chicken pox when I was 7, so I caught them again.  So now I am dizzy, fevery, and can’t seem to resist scratching!

Which means I am stuck at Mum and Dad’s until I am feeling a smidgen better.  Very annoying, as I was looking forward to being home in my own bed, with my own TV and my own computer… I miss my little house!

/end whine

P.S. – still totally swooning.  Oh yeah, I’ve got it bad!

So, I don’t think I can adequately describe my holiday, since I kinda failed at writing about it as I went.  Instead, you get the fun Cliffnotes version!

Japan

The first important thing to note is that Japan is one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world.  However, this DOES NOT MEAN that they have the technology to put EFTPOS in their stores.  That’s right, everywhere in Japan is cash only.  Including the 7 Elevens.  EFTPOS machines and credit cards are waaaay too complicated for these people!

Of course, I would have loved to know this BEFORE I left Australia.

The second important thing to note is that, to dress to fit in while in Japan, you must abandon all common sense.

1.  It’s winter, so you should clearly wear miniskirts that barely cover your butt.

2.  No one cares if you can’t walk in those heels, wear them anyway!

3.  Remember when you were 5, and dressing up meant dragging EVERYTHING out of your mother’s wardrobe and throwing it all on?  Yep, that’s what you have got to do.  Bonus points for not matching!

However, even if you do manage to get the dressing thing down, you will never blend in.  People will slow down in their cars to stare at you as you walk down the street.  All fear the blonde hair!

Thirdly – skiing is hard when you are uncoordinated and have no balance.  Also – it is a bad idea to start skiing down a hill, and then realise half way down that you do not know how to steer OR stop.  I suggest in that situation, you do what I did – crash into the nearest relative.  Then roll around in the snow for a good ten minutes laughing at the hilarity of it all.

Finally… never ask what the food is in front of you.  Seriously.  You do NOT want to know.

Canada

Oh, definitely the highlight of my trip.  Vancouver has now kicked Melbourne off the top of my favourite cities list (a tough thing to do!), and if I wasn’t obligated to return to Australia, I would have applied for a working visa right there and then.

Canadians are like Australians who are too cold to bother being assholes.  I mean, Australians are nice people (some of the best people in the world, myself included, are Australian).  However, when you are icky and hot and sweaty, it’s hard to be nice. 

Also helps I guess that I spent some time with the most awesome person in the world.  Maybe THAT explains why I liked Vancouver so much.

However, in Canada, it’s really important to make sure you have an umbrella.  It rains a LOT.  But make sure you don’t rug up too much – I made that mistake when I got there and nearly died of heat exhaustion.  It’s not as cold as what people lead you to believe!

Another important thing to note about (well, where I stayed, anyway) Vancouver is that there are tattooists and piercing parlours EVERYWHERE.  If you are weak of will, like me, you may come home with an extra bodily addition.

Did you know it’s REALLY HARD to get used to eating with a giant piece of metal through your tongue?

United States

Not much to say about here, since I spent all my time so far in the States sick as a dog.

OH, except this.

It fricking god damn SNOWS in the Grand Canyon.  I didn’t know that.  Consequently, my Canyon photos are all misty, foggy, snowy fail.

AARGH.

But yeah, highlight of the trip?  Awesome Canadian guy.  /swoons.

Now please excuse me while I go turn into a giant puddle of mush for an hour!

Yeah… it has sure been a while.  What with the last term of the year being crazy, some messy stuff with the ex that I just didn’t feel up to blogging about, and a general lack of time… nothing much has been written. 

The crazy thing is it feels like so much has happened, but I can’t think of a way to express it all.  Guess I am out of practise (practice?  is this a verb or a noun in this sentence?  It’s waaaay too late for my brain to work these things out).

So, in brief:

The Good of the last while

– Going on overseas holiday in TWO DAYS!  That entails the following things:

catching up with sister and her hubby in Japan for 9 days, with 5 days of skiing thrown in (I shall try not to die);

a little over a week in Vancouver, where I get to spend a little time with someone who is very dear to me, and also get to catch up with a friend who I haven’t seen since New Year’s Eve 08/New Year’s Day 09!  Every time I come home for a visit he is travelling… this time we happen to be going to the same place!

a little under 2 weeks trekking down the west coast of the US… doing whatever takes my fancy, and whatever I can afford.  Just me and my backpack baby!

– School excursion (camp for a week at the beach) bloody rocked.  Kids were great, no sleep was had, I drove the bus for an hour and managed to speed at least 5 times…. oops…. got an epic case of sunburn, ate some fuckawesome Greek food… oh yeah.

– Rapidly falling in love with the ‘person who is dear to me’ mentioned above.  He may or may not know that.  Not even sure if he reads this place.  Now I hope he doesn’t.  Shit.  Anyway, this is currently under good… but could very quickly move to bad.  Quite frankly, I know that I won’t get what I will end up wanting, and that will suck at that point.  For now though, everything regarding him is still firmly lumped under ‘awesome’.

…. think I mentioned the blog to him once… for some stupid reason.  Not sure why, but oh well.  Haven’t updated in so long that he may not even see this.

– My pets rock.  Seriously… they have settled down awesomely and keep me company through some rough nights.

– My timetable (at THIS point) for next year has NO JUNIORS.  Fuck yes.  Of course, it will probably change.

The Bad of the last while

– epic sunburn was truly epic.  Lip burnt so badly I couldn’t eat or drink for 2 days.  Boo.

– Fucking broke.  No money, debt up to my ears, oh kill me now.  Oh well, can’t take it with you, right?

The Ugly of the last while

– Broke it off with the ex (hence him being the ex) properly.  Now it’s all awkward conversations, while I wait for him to move on.

– My immediate superior at work got a new job.  Great for her, sucks for me, since the 2 people who would replace her are both toolbags of the highest degree.  Going to be a fun year!

So… that wasn’t so brief.

Might get some posts done while travelling, might not. <3!

Almost time to drive home.  I already have visions of my trip…

0 – 1.5 hours:  Cats hissing at each other.  Kamiko jumping around everywhere, because she is not in a cage (if she WAS in a cage, she’d yowl for the whole motherfucking time).

1.5 – 3 hours: Kamiko finally goes to sleep on the floor.  I hit Dunedoo, look forward to Dubbo… because Dubbo = A KFC Snack Box and happiness.  In the form of a KFC Snack Box.

3 -  4.5 hours:  This is the time I hate – the period of the trip during which I am most likely to get a speeding ticket.  Fucking lame.  However, this period also ends with a KFC SNACK BOX! (if you were curious, I always go for the popcorn chicken option.  Nom).  I have a sinking feeling regarding the speeding ticket today.  I know, I know, I could just drive, y’know, at the speed limit… but eh.

4.5 – 6 hours: The last part of my trip through ‘Civilisation’.  By now, I am so god damn tired… and I have to get ready for the gauntlet of Kangaroo Doom.  On the plus side, this is when I can ramp up for the last 2 hours of super speediness. 

6 – 8 hours:  The Gauntlet of Kangaroo Doom!  A smidge over 200km of dead straight highway, liberally littered with kangaroos, feral pigs and goats, emus, and once, there was a camel.  This is where I generally try to set a new land to speed record, and wimp out at the thought of hitting a kangaroo at 180km an hour.  (I usually just sit on 160kmph and hope to hell nothing happens – so far so good!)

7.5 – 8 hours: HOME!

Farewell, bloggettes!  See you on the flip side, providing I have another safe, wonderful trip

At the moment, I am back at Mum and Dad’s.  Now, this may just be me, or it could be the rest of the world, but being back at home with the parents is FRICKING PAINFUL when you are used to having your own space.  It takes them, oh, maybe 2 days to get back into ‘While I know you’re actually an adult, I am not going to treat you like one’ mode, and start nagging you.

“Oh, when you book your holiday, make sure you go on an organised tour, because you are not travelling in Canada on your own!”

“You haven’t gone into debt over this, have you?”

“Make sure you feed the animals, clean your car, and this that and the other”

“Put on a bloody jumper before you catch cold!”

“Have you eaten today?”

AAAAAARGH!

Then, there’s the fun of getting the animals used to one another.  Cats are god damn sadistic evil animals who know when there is a lame one around.  The new cat is half blind, totally deaf.. and the other two take advantage of this by sneaking up behind her, beating the shit out of her, and then spitting in her face.  It’s like one of those kung fu movies… if the ninjas decided it would be more fun to beat up grandpa in a wheelchair.  Actually… didn’t that happen in one of those 3 Ninjas movies?

Of course, I made this all better the best way I know how: I went shopping.  Got myself a couple of dresses (since I am most definitely going through a ‘Yes I am a fucking girl, just because I don’t act like it and swear like a trooper and watch football and car racing *Rage!*’ phase).  And a shit load of stuff more my house, although I still want more.  Yeah, yeah, so I like decorating, but hate cleaning.  And…

I booked this year’s BIG trip.  Japan, Canada, and the US, here I come!  More on that… next time.  Perhaps.  Until then, hey, let me know what mischief a girl can get herself into on the west coast of Canada and the US.