I was going to start this with a whole bunch of excuses about why the room is in such a state.  Then I thought , stuff it.  It’s a filthy mess at the moment.  And I am putting it on the internet.  And that’s OK.

The baby’s room (I’d call it the nursery, since that is the proper term for it and all, except that for some reason that word freaks me out and makes me think of either

a) Some freaky breast feeding bar where all that happens is constant breast feeding

Like this, but worse..

or b) this.

Which, frankly, is just a little freaky) is the smallest room in the house, but it is conveniently right next to my bedroom, ensuring that I have to move as little as possible when the darn spawn wakes me up demanding food, nappy changes, or whatever the hell else babies demand nowadays.  I’d feel bad about that, since on one of the many pregnancy forums I read, it’s just not nice to give your baby the smallest room in the house, but, you know, I don’t.  It’s a damn baby, for goodness sakes.  It’s just going to sleep in there and shit like that, and when it gets bigger, it’ll get booted into one of the larger rooms.  And, if we happen to have another child of the same gender, they will share a room until they are teenagers, even though we have enough rooms that they don’t have to.  Because that’s the choice I am making, damn it.

Anyway.  On to the pictures.

Right now, the room is more a storage vault for random crap until we figure out where things are going.  This is basically the only room with built in wardrobes, so all our stuff is on those wheelie rack things, which are liberally scattered throughout the house.  These will be going into one of the other spare rooms.

The weird colour scheme (is it a boy?  is it a girl?  Is it just a really awful paint job?) is also going in favour of a light green.  I’d link to the colour, but on my computer at work the other day it looked more like some weird yellow phlegm colour.  As much as I might be a mean mum, I wouldn’t paint the baby’s room the same colour as foul bodily substances.

We (well, mainly me) decided on green because everything will be gender neutral.  We don’t know what we are having (it’s apparently Grade-A Healthy Human, which is all I was ever concerned about), and we don’t want to have to redecorate for later bubs unless absolutely necessary.

The wardrobe doors are a little bit of a worry.  I’d rather have them not painted at all, but I am not sanding them back or replacing them.  We are going to just have these in white and be done with it.

If you didn’t notice in the above picture, this was one of my favourite things when we purchased the house.  I guess they ordered the wrong size blind or something, and just went “Eh, how about we attach it with two hunks of wood?  That’ll look just fine!” I’ll probably get rid of the blinds, and get some curtains made up.

I know it’s a mess now, but that’ll be cleaned off and have cushions put on it.  I kinda squee’d a little at this – ever since I was little and hooked on Clarissa Explains It All, I wanted a window I could sit in.  Sure, I’m a little big to fit comfortably now, but the baby will fit when it’s a bit bigger. 

Also, this gives you a really good view of how bad I am at staining floors.  I did this room all by myself (‘Look Ma, no hands!’), and, well, you can tell.  We’ll have a rug in there to keep it warmer in winter, so it’ll be fine…

This, to be honest, is the part that scares me… the ceiling.  For some reason, I just missed the air conditioning vent in there when I cleaned the rest of them, and now I have to beg my Mum to clean it for me when she comes out (it needs a good dose of Exit Mould, and I shouldn’t really be spraying that shit around anymore).  It is filthy.  And yes, the whole house was like this (if not worse) when we got it.  Uuuuuurgh.

Eventually, I’ll replace the fan with one that has a built in light, and then I’ll get rid of the nasty fluoro one that’s in there.  When we have some handy cash (so, you know, never).

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted… my parents get here in a few days, and that is when we start tackling it.  Fun times!

Well, it’s been a while (yet again), thanks to some technological problems (yay computers!)  However, if I decide that I am going to behave from now on, you may see more of me in the future.

Which is the exact same thing that I say every time, and never happens.  Whatever.

Anyway, the boy is actually moving in now (after all the weird discussions we have had around this, we finally decided that it made a hell of a lot more sense to live in the same house and save money.  or, well, for him to save money, since it isn’t working out all that much cheaper for me anyway.  More on that later).

So yes, I now live a two person, four dog, 2 cat, 1 snake existence.

Of course, the practicalities of this whole mess are still sorting themselves out.  I’m a smidgen frustrated that the domestic duties have fallen along the traditional lines, as far as I can see.  Apparently I’m great at feminism on paper, not so awesome in practice.  At least in the household, anyway.  Four dogs is kinda insane.  Kamiko, formerly an outdoor cat, refuses to leave the house, and expresses her displeasure by peeing on everything.  And I mean everything.  Especially if it’s something that won’t fit in my washing machine.

(See: stupidly expensive king size quilt. Also: European pillows.  And again: expensive rug.  Also: me.  While asleep.  What the fuck.)

She also pees on the washing that I have just brought in from the line, the shameless bitch.  At least she usually aims for the boy’s things.

Seriously.  She is not to be toyed with.

Who would have thought that one of the biggest struggles of the whole moving business would be one very angry cat?

Following on from yesterday’s ‘Let’s all look at Angela’s kitchen!’, today, we get to peek inside the really fun part of the house: the bathroom.

Top Drawer

I don’t know about you guys, but my top drawer very quickly becomes a random crap drawer.  Usually, I keep hair stuff and small items like nail clippers in there, but it also turns into the ‘Guests coming: must quickly clear off vanity’ drawer.  As you will soon notice, I also have an annoying tendency to have sanitary products scattered EVERYWHERE in the bathroom.  That way, I can find them no matter where I look!

There is also jewellery scattered through there, which is BAD.  I don’t know why I continue to keep jewellery in the bathroom, because it makes it corrode VERY quickly.

Middle Drawer

This is my unexciting headscarf drawer.  The hair curler actually does not belong here – oops!  Headscarves are great for those days when you can not be arsed washing your hair.  Yeah, I’m a grub.

Bottom Drawer

Also known as the useless drawer, where I for some reason still have empty inhaler boxes, and, of course, more sanitary products.

The Big Cupboard

You know, I have yet to work out what this says about me.  No medication (I am one of those creepy ‘will not take anything unless about to die’ types, hence the asthma medication), a lot of random beauty products which at first glance, suggest extreme superficiality… until you find that they are all still full.  Far too many friends who do party plan cosmetics and beauty products!  An excess of bug repellent (I am allergic to basically all stings and bites – except bees, huzzah!).

It’s also very empty.  So, I could do with a roomie!

The Small Cupboard

Make up bag, hair crimper, more sanitary products, and mysterious cream that is meant to remove spider veins, but doesn’t seem to work.  Rip off.

So, there you have it!  A very unexciting adventure through my most personal, intimate spaces.

Inspired in no small way by TJ’s discussion of her fridge and magnets.  A girl’s gotta steal find ideas wherever she can, right?

Anyway, I’ll admit it.  You probably shouldn’t invite me over.  I am a fridge staring, cupboard snooper.  I’m not really taking a long time to pee, I’m much more likely to be peeking in your bathroom cupboard, looking to see which brand of deodorant you prefer and whether you use a different type of bandaid to me.  I’m a horrifically curious person, and it’s not that I am PRYING exactly… it’s more that I just can’t help but look.

So, to make everything fair, I’m going to let you all into the cluttered mess that is my fridge door and my bathroom cupboard.  That way, if I ever do rock up at your place, I can pull the ‘I showed you mine, now you show me yours’ card.  Or, at least you will be warned in advance and won’t let me use the bathroom.  (Actually, I very rarely use the bathroom at other people’s homes, because I have this weird thing about peeing in other people’s toilets).  So today, you get an exciting look at… wait for it… my fridge door.  Tomorrow, we get to go through my bathroom!

a) “Prawn Heads!” – While my family was out here, they ate a heap of prawns.  Of course, since prawn heads are amazingly stinky, you put them in the freezer until garbage day.  However, I am really bad at remembering to take things out of the freezer and put them in the bin.  Easy fix?  Annoying reminder that I will probably not notice in time anyway.

b) Bad magnets – My magnets really show my, um, quirky sense of humour.  I have yet to meet someone who appreciates my ‘Everybody loves Dick’ magnet.  The pink ‘Hands are for holding, not for hitting’ homemade magnet was ‘borrowed’ from work, as it made myself and my friends laugh endlessly for no apparent reason one day at lunch.  It reminds me of our fruit loop behavioural AP, who spends her day trying to teach us how to deal with kids who behave badly… She speaks in an very irritating high pitched ‘happy’ tone ALL THE DAMN TIME. 

We have formulated a plan to make a bunch of dodgy homemade magnets with bad sayings parodying her.  Unfortunately, she probably wouldn’t get it.  Or, even worse, she WOULD, and then I’d be in trouble at work again.

c) Phone Bill – you can tell you are popular when your phone bill is $18.  Seriously.  The worst part is, I forgot to pay it on time, and there is a $15 late fee.  I really hope they don’t hammer me with that.

d) Photo – no, that’s not me, that’s my little sister and her boyfriend while they were living in Japan.  I am not sure why it is up there – my mother sent it to me, and I felt obligated to tack it up somewhere.

e) Receipts – yes, that is my filing system for tax time.  You got a problem with that?

f) Baby Shower Invitation – fricking scary.  I suck at all things baby related.  I have no idea what to buy.  My mother informs me you can never have enough bibs.

My chalkboard… for which I keep losing the chalk.  I STILL haven’t paid that speeding fine, and the State Debt Collection People told me to not worry about it until I got a reminder notice in the mail.  I still haven’t received it, which means I am building up this irrational hope that my fine somehow didn’t get processed, which means I get to keep the points on my licence!  Huzzah!  It also means I would save myself $338, which would be awesome.

So, what does your fridge door say about you?  Bare and empty (implying you have no life whatsoever or are never at home); covered in finger paintings and doodles (implying you are either a proud mother, like to pretend to be a proud mother, or have the art skills of a 5 year old); multiple fast food menus (are wealthier than me and can afford take out… or live somewhere where there actually IS takeout)…spill!

Tomorrow: My Bathroom Cupboards!  Where all the really juicy stuff hides

I have always sucked at gardening.  Couldn’t get anything to stay alive for longer than a week or two.  In fact, today I kinda accidentally ran over the last surviving plant in my garden and squashed it flat.  Even weeds had difficulty surviving.

However, today when I was cleaning the kitchen, I noticed… something was… ALIVE!

When I did my kitchen clean out before I went away, it seems I may have forgotten a couple of things.  Like the two potatoes that were in my potato bin.  The sprouts reminded me eerily of those giant vines in Jumanji… you know, the ones with the nasty flowers that try to eat you.

Be afraid… be very afraid!!

My House Wish List!

– Paint!  I am so tired of having white walls… I’d love something dramatic, like a chocolate brown.  The room is certainly spacious enough to do it.

– Some Curtains – I have blinds, but it looks so sterile and plain without curtains framing the windows

– Sofa covers: I really do not like the colour of my lounges.  Covers would also make the lounge last much longer, especially with two cats!

– A tapestry: I have some photos hanging on a wall, but I’d much rather have a gorgeous tapestry hanging there instead.  Or some artwork even

– A hanging mirror or a hat stand for the entryway.  Nuff said

– New light fittings, because mine are VERY nanaish

– Hanging pots and a bench out the front porch

– A little outdoor set for the back porch, and one of those gardens made of pot plants, because the soil out there sucks.

– Roses in my front garden.

I guess I have two more years to get the place how I like it, right?

I.

Hate.

My.

Goddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch.

Fridge.

Sure, I should feel some sense of gratitude that you keep my food cold, and you keep my wine cold, and my juice cold, and my coke cold.

But why the fuck will you not shut up and let me sleep?

Seriously… my fridge makes those really loud, really angry growly ‘Ooooh, I am trying to cool shit’ noises ALL night.  Noises which get disproportionately louder between midnight and 6am.

If my fridge was human, I’d get revenge.  I’d use my womanly wiles to seduce it, to lure it in, make it think I love it… and then pull a bunny boiler.  That fridge would PAY for the anger and misery it had caused, one cute fluffy animal at a time, until it broke down crying and promised ‘I’ll be quiet!  I’ll be peaceful!  I’ll let you get more than half an hour sleep at a time!’

But, I can’t do that.

Since it’s a fridge.

Picture credit:  Shamelessly stolen from Ordinary Bot

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I asked a workmate for a favour.  I had to get a BBQ from A to B, and the damn thing just wouldn’t fit in my car.  Or my neighbour’s car.  So, after a little bit of ringing round, I finally was able to use this guy’s ute.  On one proviso.

“You’ll have to clean the yabbie traps out of the back.”

Eh, sure, I can do that.  Bit of a pain, but hey, I AM borrowing his ute.  So, we drive around to pick up the car, and I start uncovering the tray.  It’s pretty stinky, but I don’t think too much of it.  Then I pull the back open and OH MY GOD.  What a stench!  You know those foul smells that make your stomach turn?  Yep.  I looked down and saw the yabbie traps… with massive chunks of half cooked dried out meat attached.  Yum.

My neighbour started pulling them out, and when he moved the first one, it uncovered a mass of maggots crawling all over the lamb neck that was tied to the next one.  At that point I was well and truly out of there – I don’t think I had ever moved so fast!  I was so glad I hadn’t eaten… my poor neighbours were dry retching as the two of them cut the meat off the traps and threw them to the ground.

Never seen anything so revolting in my life.  Maggoty, half cooked, half rotten lamb necks.  Turns out they’d been in the back of the ute since Thursday.  This was on Saturday.  We had a couple hot (35 degrees plus) days in that time.

Last time I ask for a favour!

Oh, and in other news…. y’know that storm I was tweeting about?

Well….

My house is now red.  Believe it or not, before yesterday, that driveway was white.  My house is FULL of dust as well.  Damn dust storms!

You have a brand new spankin’ vacuum!  Weeeee!

I finally got rid of the old cheapy that I brought off ebay when I moved out of home (it has now been relegated to the garage to be used as the ‘car vacuum’), and got myself a sexy new Dyson barrel vaccy.  Whoo hoo!  Vacuuming is fun again!

Now if only having a new iron would make me feel the same about doing the ironing…