Aug 13 2012
What do Vaginas, Webhosting, Eyebrows and Renovations Have In Common? Nothing… But Let’s Talk About Them All Anyway
So… I have (stupidly, perhaps?) spent some of the non-money that I have (one day I will get rid of this god forsaken credit card, I swear) to revive the blog. Mainly because Dreamhost sent me an email which was something like the following:
As you have a delinquent account (fitting your already delinquent nature), we will be deleting ALL YOUR THINGS in 2 weeks unless you give us money.
And honestly, us doing this aforementioned deleting might actually be good for the internet. First we destroy you, and then we move on to larger, more significant targets. Like Reddit. And Mitt Romney’s website.
If you want to save your drivel and cat photos, you will pay us the sum of $117 immediately.
The Dreamhost Billing Team
Ok, maybe the letter was a bit politer than this. But, still, I needed to save the cat photos. Then I looked at the sent date and realised: I had one day! I don’t get paid for another two days!
So, out came the trusty credit card.
In other news:
I varnished the floors of my house. They look like shit, with the exception of one room, where my brain had a massive ‘a ha!’ moment and worked out the proper technique for varnishing floors.
The room, with its perfect floor, is the inferior spare room. Not the master bedroom, not the guest room (so designated because it is not big enough to be the master bedroom, yet inexplicably has the ensuite)… the OTHER bedroom. The one which will NEVER be used.
The back story involves porn, my imbecile brother, and apparently, vaginas. Mum didn’t really like it when I pointed out that she was probably looking at vulvas, not vaginas… Really, its important to use the correct terminology for these things, people!
After the whole phone thievery debacle, I received a shiny new phone. With no sim card. Apparently, Optus forgot to send the sim card. So, they said they would send me one. Then it didn’t show up. So I called them… and they said ‘oh, we sent it to Pennant Hills’. BECAUSE BOURKE AND SYDNEY ARE SO DAMN CLOSE (hint: Google Map it next time). Then they chastised me for not simply driving to the conveniently close Optus store located a mere 350 km away. When I reminded them of this, they did promise to send me another one. I have my suspicions this one will go to Perth.
Thank you Manicare for telling me I am the WORST in the WORLD. My bushy, terrifying eyebrows: much worse than world hunger. My broken, varnish stained nails: Definitely worse than racism!
My dog died. Which deserves much more than that brief, blunt sentence, but really, I do not have the words. Willis, destroyer of plants, eater of inedibles, constant companion, my cuddle buddy every time I locked myself out of the house, ‘beloved ‘Safety Dog’ (oh, I should probably tell you all the story one day), fat and proud best friend who thought nothing of stealing sandwiches from small children… you shall be missed. And while I am not at all certain with the idea of a people heaven, I would like to believe there is something else out there for my beautiful boy.
I’m possibly about to fail my uni course. I should probably get cracking on my first assignment, but I just can not focus.
Read all the 50 Shades books to see what the fuss was about. Wish I had stopped at the first. Or before the first, even. Yeah, I’m one of those people I guess… just have to join the 50 Shades Hate Brigade. But really, I don’t think I can stomach the thought of reading ‘my inner goddess’, ‘mercurial’ or anything about two fingers again. There was certainly potential in the books, but terribly clumsy writing just ruined everything. Oh, and while we are at it, let’s just go back to what I said about vulva/vagina terminology and agree that it should never be referred to as ‘my sex’.
And, finally, my sister might just kick my arse for being the worst maid of honour ever. 3 weeks after she asked me, and I still haven’t given her measurements for my bridesmaid’s dress. I don’t have a measuring tape at home, and of course, I forget whenever I am at the shop to get one. GAH.