Snarks and Ladders

I made a drunken fucking mistake.  Quite literally. 

The other night, I got roped into going to this bloody cocktail night thing for the showgirls.  I can’t really say that mock beauty pageants are really my scene, but two of my friends were participating, so I was essentially forced into going to support them.  I almost got out of it, as I couldn’t afford a ticket, but I was informed (with only an hour to get ready!) that someone miraculously had a spare. 

Anyway, I had a bottle and some of wine before I left.  Then I polished off a few more while I was there.  So, I staggered back home, and a friend came along to watch a movie and chill out and drink even more wine.  Because over 4 bottles worth wasn’t enough, apparently.

Well, without going into gory details… I made the most stereotypical of all drunken mistakes.  On the mistake scale, this one is definitely a ten.  Kinda like that weird little game on The Price Is Right, where you have the mountain climber?  And you need to stop close to the correct price, or he goes plummeting over the edge?  Well, that was me, tumbling down that rocky cliff face.  What the HELL was I thinking?

I can’t even blame it on being drunk, because that feels like a ridiculous cop out.  All I remember was saying over and over and over again what a bad idea it was, how it was a stupid stupid idea and I wasn’t interested and blah blah blah… and then, a few hours later… yeah.  What the hell?  Did my brain take a nap? 

So, of course, it was completely not worth it.  I’m not at all attracted to him, it has now made me feel very awkward whenever I see him, and it wasn’t even very good.  In fact, I can safely say it was pretty much the worst bedroom experience I have ever had in my life, and that includes the time I fell off the bed and got a concussion.

I mean, on a scale from heavenly to absolute hellish shite:

<—  Caring, considerate ex with AWESOME body.  I only suspect it was always good because we only saw each other every couple of months.  But, good is good!

<—  Well endowed ex.  Would be higher if he wasn’t TOO well endowed. Owie.

<— time an ex managed to come in his own eye, solely for the hilarity factor.

<— First time.  Ew.

<— Concussion.  Turns out I’m not even safe on a bed.

<— The other night.  Drunk, messy, and 5 minutes long.

Now I just feel a weird combination of self-loathing, disgust and misery.  Perhaps it’s just because this is the first time I have done something so colossally stupid.  It will be the last bloody time as well, and I made that quite clear. 

Good lord, I am an idiot.  /facepalm