Dec 20 2011
In Which I Am Amazed That The Kardashians Have Not Kardashianised Christmas (Although I Am Waiting For The Kristmas With The Kardashians Special – Or Did I Miss It Already?)
There are many many things which are absolutely amazing to me right now. One of them being the absolute stupidity of the Kardashians. And how much money they earn for being stupid. Gah!
See, here’s little old me. Dreaming big dreams of buying my dream house, and secretly sobbing because I know that, by the time I save the deposit, said house will probably be gone.
Then we have KK. Who made $12 million last year. I’m not sure how she made that much money, because I am 99% certain that making a sex tape and entering an ill advised and very short marriage would result in me losing most of my money, not to mention dignity, pride, and general, well, me-ness.
Not that I haven’t contemplated it, mind you. I have been pondering a number of schemes to raise money in a short time, and most of them haven’t been feasible.
Bank robbery: I run far too slowly, and I am pretty sure banks don’t actually have large amounts of cash on hand any more.
Phone Sex Operator: seriously considered this. I have strong doubts about my ability to sound sexy, I don’t know if I could handle listening to strange things without giggling, and I think the boy might perhaps object. And I doubt it actually makes anyone a lot of money, really.
Win the lottery: Not really something you can plan for. Also requires me to buy lottery tickets. Or to steal them, but most people I see buying lottery tickets are old ladies, and that would make me feel bad.
Sell my stuff: Who is going to pay a decent amount for any of my crap? I’m already selling my car, and that’s not getting me anywhere! (P.S. – if anyone is in the market for a zippy small car, let me know)
Sell my eggs: Would totally do this. Except I don’t think we have people who buy eggs in Australia, since I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to sell reproductive, um, matter here. And I don’t think anyone would want my crazy ass eggs anyway.
Meet a rich and generous benefactor: Not even worth considering.
Make money from blogging: Bahahahahaha… blogging, the least profitable venture in the universe! Unless I learn to be interesting, and write well, and market myself, and write every day, and all that jazz.
So, while the idea of my dream house is awesome… I don’t think I’m going to be able to Kardashian it and become rich and famous for no apparent reason at all. Dang it.